Someday I want to be able to play with this passion...

The music I was playing was nowhere nearly as moving as that of one of India's greatest musicians whose stories I often heard while growing up. Sixteenth century Tansen was one of the jewels in the court of Mogul king Akbar. It's said that when Tansen played raga deepak (from Sanskrit, fire melody) things would heat up, literally, and the lamps in the king's court would begin to glow. When he played raga megh malhar (rain melody), raindrops would begin falling to bring relief from the heat.

For some reason though the urgency to play, to create the liquid beauty of sound and rhythm, has left me. I can not blame it on the heat (for it has not been hot), nor on the intensity of my daylight labors (for they are relatively light). I feel this lack of urgency in other areas as well. I have not yet finished a book, nor written much, nor wandered the hills... I feel tired, as if the school year were still weighing on me. Too many worries...